dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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