What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
