all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
