if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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