The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
