My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
