yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
