I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
