There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
