The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
