she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
