He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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