I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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