I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is wine microwaveable?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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