I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
