You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize