he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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