Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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