I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
