I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
