we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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