All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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