I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
