On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
