I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
