i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
