non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i now understand why vodka
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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