Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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