I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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