If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
