I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
