I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
