Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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