I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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