I want to have your abortion
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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