I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
