FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
