I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
