you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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