How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
