Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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