it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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