I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
