I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
