I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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