**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
that may or may not have been my penis.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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