dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
