I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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