last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
