What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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