So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got inside last night via doggy door
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize