A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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