my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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