He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
