I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
