You work out of a Hotel?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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