I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
