I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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