Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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