OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just gift wrapped bread.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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