He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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