I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
